If you are considering affair recovery therapy, you might be wondering if it is worth the pain you will go through, if it will help your relationship, or maybe if it is even worth the money.
These are all good questions. The reality is hiring a therapist experienced in helping couples recover from an affair is a good investment. A specialized therapist can safely guide you and your spouse in the healing process.
Read the answers to the following questions to determine if affair recovery therapy is right for you.
1) How long does affair recovery therapy last?
Typically, affair recovery therapy lasts from six to nine months with weekly appointments. This will vary depending on the amount and impact of betrayals.
2) What if I am unsure about staying in the relationship?
Attending affair recovery therapy does not mean you are agreeing to stay in the relationship. It means you are willing to see if it is possible. Your therapist will help you evaluate whether it is worth it to you to stay in the relationship. You will have the option to leave the relationship anytime throughout therapy.
3) Can we talk about the affair outside of therapy?
Yes. In fact, we encourage the betrayed partner to ask questions about the affair. Likewise, we encourage the spouse who had the affair to answer these questions with total transparency.
Your therapist may instruct you to agree on a time and place for these discussions. You will also want to limit the discussion time so it doesn’t become the focus of your relationship or interfere with necessary functioning (sleep, work, childcare, self-care).
Your therapist might also instruct you to write down questions you have in between discussions and to consider whether the answers you are seeking will help you heal or do more damage.
4) Can I talk to anyone else about the affair?
Both partners are encouraged to select one friend to talk to during this crisis. This person should be someone your partner trusts to be supportive of the repair of your relationship. It is unwise to speak with family members or children about the affair as this may cause unrepairable damage.
5) How can I be sure the affair is over?
Your therapist will strongly suggest you and your partner contact the affair partner together in a way that makes it clear no contact is to continue. The involved partner will be expected to notify the betrayed partner if there is any contact.
You and your partner will also need to give each other full access to cell phones, email accounts, social media, etc. Once the involved partner’s betrayal is known, complete transparency is the absolute best way to re-establish trust.
6) How will we know when affair recovery therapy is over?
After you and your partner have agreed to stay in the relationship and have forgiven each other, you will begin talking about a new relationship contract. Your therapist will prepare you for life after therapy. Your therapist will teach you how to handle setbacks, identify warning signs, and remain accountable to each other in the future.
Your therapy sessions will occur less frequently, and you will feel ready to handle your relationship on your own. You will always have the option of returning whenever you need a refresher.
7) What if the relationship cannot be repaired?
Affair recovery therapy works best if both partners are willing to work, are honest about their mistakes, are willing to address each other’s pain, and are committed to the relationship. Unfortunately, not all couples recover and not every relationship can be repaired.
You and your partner may reach the conclusion that your relationship is beyond repair. At this point, your therapist will assist you in defining what constitutes a healthy goodbye and how to end the relationship respectfully.
If you wish to pursue affair recover therapy, please contact a therapist at Keystone Counseling to schedule an appointment.