Melding two lives into one can be a challenge. There are so many topics from religion to money management, varied perspectives from conservative to liberal, responsibilities from who is taking out the trash to who will do the grocery shopping. It can be overwhelming to figure out.
Below are some questions to help initiate the conversations and give both of you some insight into how you want your marriage to work.
Approaching the topic of finances allows you to mesh together current responsibilities and envision dreams you would like to achieve over time, whether it be a new home, worldwide travels, or preparing for retirement.
- What are your values in regards to money?
- What did you learn from your parents in terms of how much should be saved, spent, or invested?
- If you were to create a budget together, what would it look like?
- Will you be sharing finances or maintaining individual financial responsibilities?
- Will you create a will together?
- Have you discussed the debts and incomes you will be bringing to the relationship?
Sex is one of the most exciting and connective aspects of a relationship. Discussing sex can open doors of communication between you and your partner to help you find the greatest fulfillment in this area.
- What are your expectations about your sexual relationship?
- How do foreplay, frequency, fantasy, and monogamy fit into your relationship?
- Have you shared your sexual history and any sexual health concerns?
- What ways would you like intimacy to be shown outside the bedroom?
- How do you anticipate the sexual aspect of your relationship will change over time?
- How will your sex life be affected by conflict, work schedules, or children?
3. Roles and Responsibilities
The roles and responsibilities each partner takes on in a household transition frequently throughout the relationship, especially as life brings about changes, both anticipated and unexpected. These questions allow you to explore the present dynamic and division of labor in your relationship and how it may change over time.
- How will you share the housework after you are married?
- Are there expectations regarding having children, balancing a career and home life, or whose career takes precedence?
- Who will take care of tasks such as grocery shopping, car maintenance, paying bills, and doing laundry?
- What chores do you each of you typically handle presently?
- Are you accustomed to sharing a space with another person, and if not, what are your concerns?
4. Communication and Conflict Resolution
It is always a positive investment to learn new tools for communication and to work through conflict with your soon-to-be spouse. The following questions can help you identify your current patterns of communication and how to adjust those to create productive conversations and even productive conflict.
- Do you feel heard by your partner?
- How well do each of you identify and take responsibility for your emotions?
- Are you each aware of your partner’s needs?
- How do the two of you currently manage conflict?
- Are you able to clearly identify our areas of flexibility and common ground rather than areas of disagreement?
For many individuals, religious and spiritual beliefs play an important role in shaping them as a person, and they bring these beliefs into the marriage. Here are questions to help you identify the place of religion in your marriage.
- What value do you place on religion?
- In what ways can spirituality produce growth in your relationship?
- Will you share these beliefs together or with your children?
- In what ways are you and your fiancée’s religious or spiritual beliefs similar and different?
- Which values, traditions, and customs of your beliefs do you adhere to and which are you more relaxed about?
These questions for premarital couples open new windows of communication to help prepare you for a strong, healthy, and balanced marriage. By addressing these topics now, you are circumventing conflict, lowering stress, and increasing your marital satisfaction over time.